I'm not pursuing approval, forgiveness, acceptance or understanding. I'm pursuing my life.
I want you to be happy and successful. I want you to find the Partner you deserve, need and want. If you can't talk to me like you love me, would you try to talk about me like I'm someone you loved once and loved you?
I will not pursue her or anyone else. Pursuing is clearly the mallet of my relationship communication toolbox. Now I know: my pursuing is selfish and fear-based. The behavior only adds to the problem.
A reminder from a friend about the process of trying to love people in a vacuum of information - and the consequences of indecisiveness.
(For often) a man’s own angry pride Is cap and bells for a fool.” – Tennyson. Maud, VI.
I do not see any way home for me following the reveal of my lies and infidelity. C’s passive-aggressive revenge and my fracturing and betrayal have resulted in one post-discovery choice after another sandbagging opportunities for a future together.
However, what is true for me isn’t true for everyone. I think this is a great read.
Don’t let angry pride make you a fool.
I had a Twitter conversation this morning with a remorseful man who cheated. I tried to express how I felt when I found out, how ugly my frame of mind was at the time, devoid of any kind of logic or rational behavior. The tweeting back and forth brought me back to those first days.
When I first found out, it was a total shock. I did my research and within hours I knew who the skank was and where she lived. I printed the phone logs. Within 24 hours, I saw an attorney to begin divorce proceedings and the following evening, I went to her house. My husband’s car was on the street. I remember wanting to smash his windshield with a sledgehammer. My body was shaking, my heart was broken, my life as I knew it was shattered and the sheer rage was overwhelming. As I recall that…
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The only time we care about motives is when our behaviors don't reflect other people's expectations. We judge the actions of others but ask to be judged for our motives.
This is not the path I wanted for my life. It is the path I choose. For example, I don’t have any children. I’m not going to get into semantics but just to maintain full-disclosure: I haven’t seen my daughter since she was five. She is twenty-two now (but I’ve talked about that elsewhere and... Continue Reading →