How Can I Ever Trust You Again?

Rebuilding trust is a decision involving all the parties.

The realization this week we both have secrets creates the need for an emotional Cesarean. The reality of the trauma will have to be cut away to get to the beautiful life ready to be born.


Of all of the threats to a committed relationship I have treated in four decades of working with couples, the most difficult to heal is infidelity. When a trusted partner in a committed relationship betrays the sacred trust of the other, the relationship will undergo severe instability.

The partner who has been betrayed is emotionally tortured and humiliated when knowledge of the infidelity emerges. They are clearly in trauma and experience the same array of symptoms that professionals now describe as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Similar to any others who have suffered threats to their physical or emotional well-being and security, they are disoriented and confused by what has happened.

Relationship partners of both genders experience similar of the classical symptoms of PTSD:

-Repeated intrusive thoughts.

-Unstable emotional regulation.

-Out of body experiences.

-Alternating between feeling numb and striking out in retaliation.

-Inability to stop scanning for any new…

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You Aren’t Exceptional

By not actively speaking out I am complicit, even a co-conspirator, in acts of terrorism like the Oklahoma City Bombing or the criminality of the Bundy Standoff.

This is the power of shame

Living with shame isn't like living in darkness. It's staring into the sun; forever corrupting our ability to accurately perceive our significance and contributions to the world around us. 

Day 29 of 365 Days of Minimalism

Here’s a story of the many physical, emotional, symbolic or esoteric things I carry. Some have value others don’t. Sometimes I’ll tell you, sometimes I won’t. I love everything about this photo so I've kept it. I hate everything this photo so I've hidden it. I love the moment of the experience. I can see... Continue Reading →

Empathy is dead

I would think Americans with less skin pigment would be less familiar with the institutional racism and biases Americans with more skin pigment experience.   However, to have the viewpoint requires some humility and integrity and willingness to admit my experience is not the only human experience with value. This is called empathy. A learned... Continue Reading →

I am a tree

Question: How can I judge myself less harshly & appreciate myself more? I think this is one of the best responses I've come across. He applies this truth to both himself and to others. Check it out at Ram Dass, Love Serve Remember .  

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