"What is most healing about bearing witness to things exactly as they are, including my own part in my pain, is that when the voice of the pain fits the pain, there is no room for Distortion or Illusion. And this way, truth becomes a clean bandage that heals, keeping dirt out of the wound." - Mark Nepo
Reading post after post about what happens post-discovery almost no one acts well. Everything in this situation is ugly. I made it uglier.
I have to work on separating my infidelity from my identity. Separating the act from the actors. Which sounds simple but I've been living with this lie for a long time and to a large extent, it has been my identity. Decisions, choices, and actions were constantly influenced by a desire to keep the secret.... Continue Reading →
When I embrace my pain, instead of treating it like the enemy, it becomes the doorway to wholeness. Which is all I ever wanted.
Sure there are monsters, but in truth, most of what we are calling monster behavior is simply someone doing something stupid for stupid and innocent reasons. It's just poor judgment, not pathological. There are actually very few monsters.
I use to believe some things were best kept private...but it is precisely the act of secret keeping that allowed my betrayal to fester so long. When the lies, secrets, and betrayal detonated on our lives twenty-eight days ago I was both sickened and relieved. The secret had been weighing down my soul and my... Continue Reading →